Could expat kids completely immerse themselves in Indonesian culture? Hereʼs one insightful observation.
“Tak mau. Terlalu mahal. Tolong lebih murah.”
The moment I realised my daughter was assimilating into Indonesian culture and way of life was when I heard her seven-year-old voice bargaining for a better price at a Balinese market. While her Bahasa Indonesia version of “I don’t want to pay that as it’s too expensive. Please reduce the price” could be seen as either cheeky or amusing, depending on your point of view, it did highlight the fact that she was picking up some of her Indonesian mum’s character traits—in preference to those of her rather more introverted ‘bule’ father.
But what of children who are not born into mixed marriages, but instead, follow their true ‘bule’ families to Indonesia as bona-fide expatriates? Do they ever really assimilate into the local culture, or are they destined to hold it (and be held) at arm’s length?
Bahasa ‘Bule’: The Language Struggle
The Indonesian language (Bahasa Indonesia) is supposedly on the less taxing or challenging side of languages to learn for foreigners, bearing as it does a relatively straightforward vocabulary and structural system. Notwithstanding this, some of us expatriates struggle to ever become more than basically competent in it, no matter how long we live here.
Expat kids attending school in Indonesia will be exposed to the language and—in most cases—formal language lessons, but how much do they actually absorb?
While some take to it like a duck to water, effortlessly switching between English and Bahasa Indonesia and throwing in slang like “yaudah” and “bentar” as if they were born here, others seem to resist any language that isn’t English (or whatever their home language may be) as they manage to scrape by with a basic Indonesian vocabulary like “Berapa harganya?” (How much is it?), “Tidak tahu” (I don’t know), and the all-important “Nggak pedas, ya?” (Not spicy, okay?).
Then, there are the children who develop their own version of Bahasa ‘Bule’: a mix of Bahasa Indonesia and the English language that makes perfect sense to them but leaves their parents utterly lost. “Can you tolong ambilin my bag?” is a perfectly reasonable request in many expat households, just as “Kita mau go ke mall?” sounds like a logical sentence.
Food Fights: From Pizza to Padang
Indonesian food varies from region to region, mall to mall, and preference to preference. Expats freshly arriving in Indonesia will invariably take the time to see what satisfies their palates, and while some will inevitably remain entrenched in their desire to only eat the so-called ‘Western food’, others will be braver to expand their horizons.
Such logic is the same with their offspring. Some kids happily devour a plate of nasi goreng with extra sambal, while others will be locked in a life-long battle against anything that isn’t chicken nuggets.
For expat kids, sometimes, the food transition can observably follow this chronological pattern:
- The Safety Phase—The first stage where the child would be sticking to expat-friendly foods like pizza, burgers, and spaghetti. Anything involving rice is highly suspect;
- The Gateway Dish—Usually nasi goreng. It’s got rice, but it’s ‘safe’ because it’s fried and often comes with a fried egg;
- The Brave Phase—A tentative foray into satay, and maybe even some mie goreng. Sambal remains off-limits, though, at this stage;
- The Full Conversion—The final stage where, suddenly, the child is requesting rendang and tahu isi, and the child is the one ordering for the whole family at the warung or warteg.
The ultimate test? Whether or not they can handle durian. The ones who love it have officially crossed over.
Cultural Quirks That Can Confuse Expat Kids
Living in Indonesia means navigating a whole set of cultural norms that can be both fascinating and perplexing for adults, never mind expat kids. While the mere thought of enacting certain scenarios might turn the bravest ‘bule’ into a quivering wreck, here in Indonesia, they are nothing less than the norm.
- The Love of Karaoke—Every birthday party, every gathering, and even many school events in Indonesia seem to involve a microphone and a backing track. For some expat kids, this is a dream come true. For others, it’s a recurring nightmare;
- Hand Gestures Matter—Pointing with your index finger? Rude. Using your thumb? Correct. Shaking hands and touching your heart? A sign of respect. There’s an entire non-verbal language here in Indonesia that expat kids would slowly pick up;
- ‘Why Do People Keep Touching My Head or Pinching My Cheeks?’—Sometimes, the classic gestures of affection in Indonesia—ruffling a child’s hair or pinching their cheeks—can confuse expat kids at first. It’s meant as a sign of warmth, not an invasion of personal space, but it can still rankle to the uninitiated.
School Life: Western vs. Indonesian Influences
International schools in Indonesia exist in a unique space, caught between Western educational philosophies and the expectations of an Indonesian setting. For instance, in most local schools, students would stand when the teacher enters the classroom. Meanwhile, in some international schools, some students would call their teachers by their first names.
Some expat kids struggle with the indirectness of Indonesian culture, where a polite “maybe” could mean a definite “no”. Others could get in trouble for being too direct. For instance, while Western schools encourage debate, questioning authority in an Indonesian setting isn’t always appreciated.
Conclusion: Do Expat Kids Ever Become Truly ‘Local’?
The answer is: sort of. Many expat kids would eventually leave Indonesia with a deep appreciation for its culture, a love for its food, and (at least) a few Bahasa Indonesia phrases embedded in their vocabulary. Other expat kids, on the other hand, would move on only to realise, years later, that they miss the uniquely Indonesian way of navigating life.
One thing’s for sure—whether they stay forever or move on, you can take the kid out of Indonesia, but you can never quite take Indonesia out of the kid.