By the time you read this the biggest and oldest comedy festival in the world will be over (or very nearly over if you live next door to our printer). The Edinburgh Festival Fringe (the official name of what everyone refers to as the Edinburgh Comedy Festival) is one of many festivals that take place in Edinburgh every year and is a truly spectacular affair. Every single available space in the city of Edinburgh is converted into a performance area and literally thousands of comedians from all over the world descend upon the city to put on performances – from free shows in tiny pub back-rooms featuring “unknowns”, to paid shows in huge theatres by some of the most famous comedians on the planet. If you have never been you should put it on your bucket list and make sure you do it at least once before you die. It really is a fantastic experience and the atmosphere in the ancient city is electric for most of the month of August every year.
Every year the “Joke of the Festival” is decided by votes from thousands of comedy fans and published by the TV channel Dave, and every year there are some real gems. Unfortunately I can’t tell you who won the competition this year because I am writing this two weeks before the end of the festival, but I can share with you some of my personal all-time favourites to put you in the mood. I hope something here makes you smile!
Tim Vine: Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many levels.
Jimmy Carr: I’ve got no problem buying tampons for my girlfriend. I’m a modern man. But apparently they are not a “proper present”.
Dan Antopolski: Hedgehogs. Why can’t they just share the hedge?
Nick Helm: I needed a password eight characters long. So I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
Gordon Southern: I’ve got very sensitive teeth. They’ll probably be upset that I’ve told you.
Alan Power: I think the most tragic thing about Jesus’ life is that he probably never got to go swimming.
Lloyd Langford: The only legitimate reason for smoking an electronic cigarette is if you are a robot that has just had sex with another robot.
Eddie Peppitone: Let’s have a round of applause for those who are easily led…
Ria Lina: I wanted to do a show about feminism. But my husband wouldn’t let me.
Don Earl Manse: French carpenters make the best louvers.
Tiff Stevenson: Carpe phallum.
Mitch Hedberg: Onions make me sad. A lot of people don’t realise that.
Doug Stanhope: There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.
Rodney Dangerfield: I’m so ugly my proctologist stuck his finger in my mouth.