It’s that time of the year again; the period that divides society like no other. Both embraced and detested in equal measures, whatever your personal opinion is, there is no escaping the fact that Valentine’s Day is a Red Letter Day for society.
Many, but not all, of those of us in relationships will choose to acknowledge the day by way of a celebratory meal, an exchange of gifts or cards, or by a simple greeting to our loved one on the day itself, while those of us who have no truck with the day will – metaphorically at least – bury ourselves under the duvet until the day is done.
Like it or loathe it, however, the concept of Valentine’s Day is – or is supposed to be – a celebration of that most complicated and sometimes elusive of all emotions and states of being; ‘Love’.
So, what of love, then? Is it all it’s cracked up to be? Is it, as we are often told, “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all”, or sometimes would we have been better off not bothering at all?
During my time here in Indonesia – 30 years and counting, thanks for asking – I have been fortunate enough to meet people from all walks of life and backgrounds, and as a result, I have a host of wonderful collections and memories as late middle-age now starts to flutter its eyelashes seductively at me.
At this time of year, I am sometimes reminded of a conversation I had with a young student more than twenty years ago. During the course of an oral assessment we got onto the topic of love and marriage, and the young lady stated emphatically that she was never going to get married or even fall in love because she had been hurt in the past and she was not prepared to ever put herself through that kind of pain again.
Perhaps noting what could have been construed as a condescending or patronising look on my face, she continued with a steeliness and maturity that belied her age: “I know you think I am only a kid and I will change my mind as I get older, but I can assure you that I won’t. Nobody is ever going to hurt me again, and that is a promise.”
My heart bled for her that day and has done ever since if truth be told. I have often wondered what kind of life that then fourteen-year-old girl has lived since then.
While it is unusual to have such an unequivocal and negative opinion regarding love, especially in one so relatively young, perhaps there is something to be said about the principle of at least giving love more than a cursory thought and that it just might not be everyone’s cup of tea, so as to speak.
Although to me it does seem that there is usually “someone for everyone” out there, and most people do indeed end up falling in love and either getting married or being in a committed relationship at some point during their lives, I can see the attraction of staying single, or at least spending a large swathe of time being so.
Being single arguably gives people the opportunity to work on what Whitney Housten (RIP) famously described as, “The Greatest Love of All” when she sang about loving yourself. This, of course, can prove to be the most difficult form of love to achieve of all as unlike our relationships with other people, we can never divorce, split up with or even “take a rest” from ourselves.
To slightly diverse now, the topic of “Soulmates” is also an interesting one. Some would contend that the very notion of soul mates is a myth and that there is no divine intervention responsible for pulling people together: Whoever we end up with is due to luck or circumstance rather than any divine intervention. Others would see life as a journey in which we are searching for the one person who completes us, and with whom we are meant to be. These people would contend that as well as there being “someone for everyone”, there is someone “special” with whom we are preordained to be.
But is this really true, how do we know when we have found our soulmate, and is it possible to have more than one such partner in our lives?
Ah, love is confusing, right?
Even the word “love” can have different meanings and can be used in a variety of ways. In its most common vernacular, it describes a deep caring affection and attachment to a person or people But it can take various forms, of course, and these include; romantic love, familial love, platonic love, and love for certain activities or things.
Sometimes though, the word “love” is bandied about a little too casually, diminishing its meaning and significance.
Or is it? If one expresses “love” for a football team, for example, or a favourite food or meal, are they using the word inappropriately? While these examples might be on the more frivolous side, some of us do indeed utilise the phrase, “I love you” more often than others.
This being the case, does its effect become diluted, even if the recipient of it remains unchanged? Does it mean less, for example, if I tell my wife I love her three times a day than if I wait for 14th February to roll around for an annual declaration?
Finally, I am often intrigued by films and television shows in which a character will mumble teary-eyed to another a variation of the phrase, “I think I am in love with you”.
Think? You think you’re in love with her???
Based on my – admittedly somewhat limited – experience of such matters surely there is no “think” or ambiguity involved. When you are in love, you know you are in love; there is no guesswork involved.
Right?
Well, anyway, to wrap up, I would like to take this opportunity to wish everyone; single, coupled-up, or something different, a very happy Valentine’s Day, and I wish for you all whatever you wish for yourselves when it comes to “love”.