Indonesia Expat
Featured Scams in the City

Scammed by My True Love


Indonesia has been a country where I found my love, but, sadly, it ended up with me being emotionally and financially ruined. I never imagined that the Indonesian woman I love would scam me after all that I’ve done for her.

I met my current wife in Jakarta whilst on a business trip in April 2017. I had already previously dated some Indonesian girls since I’ve regularly been visiting Jakarta and Bali for a few years.

I knew what to expect with the dating scene and the culture in Indonesia. But, I’ve never encountered online stories that could have prepared me for the despair over the next couple of years.

Anyways, this woman and I dated a few times. She was very quiet and extremely cute, almost shy, to the extreme that you would think she had never dated. She was very different compared to the regular women who roamed Jakarta’s expat joints. She was very open about her upbringing, her friends, and her dating past. She said she dated a lot of guys to hopefully have a husband and a future with children.

We had a good time together. Unfortunately, I had to go back to the UK for my job. We kept in touch. Eventually, we arranged to meet again a few months later, after she had come back from a trip to Bali.

Around September 2017, we met again and this time we fell in love – well at least I did. I was so happy she had chosen me to fall in love with, and we had an amazing few weeks together that cemented my feelings for her. She was kind, thoughtful, never over bleating, never asked for anything except attention and affection.

This time, she told me about her awful previous relationships, including that one time she was kidnapped by an ex who was jealous and mad that she wouldn’t marry him. She was apparently tied up, beaten, and sexually assaulted for days until she almost succeeded in killing herself, at which point she was released and dumped back with her family. This, of course, made me love her more and want to be the knight in shining armour that could love and protect this very cute girl.

We met again in Bali and got engaged after meeting and asking permission from her father and the rest of her family. I vowed then to make sure I visited her every 12 weeks until we could live together. This was something I continued to do right up until I uncovered this situation a few months ago; I never let her down when it came to seeing her.

By May 2018 we were married. We married quickly in Bangkok using a top law firm to make sure it was all legal in both of our countries. She said she always wanted to live in the UK because Indonesia didn’t feel right for her. I supported her; I provided money for her accommodation and living expenses because she’d moved out of her family home.

It would’ve been good for her to sample life in the UK for a few months, in case she hated the weather, people, or food. By November 2018, paperwork for her spouse visa application was submitted and denied. We were both devastated. Saving up for reapplication would take some time so we agreed to stay apart again whilst I worked hard in the UK.

After the denied visa request, I agreed to pay for her to take a short break in Bali. She wanted to live somewhere better whilst waiting to get the spouse visa sorted or I could even join her in Bali since we had some business ideas too. She moved to Canggu, Bali. At first, all seemed good and she was even trying to find a job but, to be honest, the amount of money I sent her every month was more than enough. I paid for a scooter and gym membership amongst other things.

Slowly, the video calls became less frequent and so did the texts. Then she was demanding more money and a better place to live, saying that I wasn’t providing enough. I did my best and helped her by paying for her salon trips, tattoos; basically, anything I could and support her as a husband should. I sacrificed my life to provide everything for her, including selling items that I owned.

But weirdly, I started getting messages from her friends telling me that I’m too nice and I should not always say yes to my wife. They said that without me she would have no one to support her. Of course, I thought this was just jealousy.

She asked me if I received any Facebook messages or emails from Indonesia. One day, she was upset because an ex had contacted her on Facebook trying to get her back but didn’t believe she was married. She told me he had photos or videos of them in bed together from when they dated. She even said that she wanted to have access to my emails so she could delete anything that appeared. My suspicions arose and I asked her, “Is there something you need to tell me?” No. She stuck to the story that it was years ago and he was a crazy, jealous ex.

I waited, yet I got nothing. I kind of forgot about it, especially since she and I were supposed to meet in Bangkok, as she requested to celebrate our wedding anniversary there. I said yes. In fact, I had invited two of my close friends to come and finally meet the love of my life. We spent two weeks together but she was very shifty and protective of her phone. I had a feeling something was up but I carried on and my friends fell in love with her too.

There were periods of time with little communication after Bangkok. My next visit was coming up. She asked me to help her get her teeth repaired and veneered as we had discussed after our wedding. I didn’t have the funds so I managed to get a loan so she could have it all done and fly her to Jakarta for about US$5000. She was getting very agitated about wanting to return to Bali sooner, so we agreed to get the rest of the work done in Bali. She flew back: little did I know she went straight to meet another man in a hotel.

Again, her friends sent cryptic messages saying I was too generous and did too much for her. So I asked one of her friends, and to my dismay, I was shown my wife’s fake Instagram, Couchsurfing, and Tinder accounts, all of which portrayed her not only as single but an English online teacher who had studied and lived in the UK, particularly my hometown. She had created a second life to entice mostly British, expat men.

She knew exactly what she was doing. I uncovered details of months where she had met men for money and fun times. She’d stay with them in hotels for days and even weeks, using them to cover her meals, drinks, and money. She’d leave them by giving them excuses to go home and video call me as if everything was okay, then returned to the hotel but was still receiving money from me. The British-Indonesian time difference played right into her hands – giving her enough time to have a double life.

At least three men fell in love with her and flew to Bali to see her for a whole month or even longer, they genuinely believed that she was a sweet and single girl who was their girlfriend. These men ensured they had money to look after her – she was achieving her goal to get attention, fun, and money.

I know all this because I spoke directly to two of the men she had had affairs with. I read their messages in which they had no idea she was married.

A few weeks ago, I spoke to one of them online. He found out she was married and got very upset. He started stalking her. Later, I found out he was the guy who had the videos and photos of my wife with another man and threatened to expose her along with her lies and a double life. He told me that she’d threatened to kill herself if he did. One night, he went to her place and found her crying with rope marks around her neck. He felt sorry and didn’t blackmail her.

My wife though, blackmailed him because he ran away without paying for a villa he rented, he also ran a business where he scammed money from customers. He wanted her to leave me and go into that scam business together. She told him she would leave me but needed time. It was just a dream for him since I funded her lifestyle, something he couldn’t do. Instead, he ended up causing trouble at her apartment leading her to not stay there.

He also told me that they went to Western Union to collect money from other men in the UK, not from me. He couldn’t believe the lengths she was willing to go through, such as saying I was a bad husband and never sent enough money so she had to get money by other means.

I also discovered that her father said he had never received the money I sent for him. I showed my money transfer proof to him and the rest of her family so that they wouldn’t see me as a husband who never looked after his wife.

Eventually, I confronted her, at which point she confirmed everything. She said she met men on at least four or five dating sites as well as providing escort services to have extra money for clothes, parties, etc and yet still blamed me for not providing for her. Much to my dismay, she admitted she cheated me to gain more money by making up stories over the last couple of years. She even went to swap her wedding ring for a cheaper version so she could sell the original one. I was devastated.

A long list of lies and deceits were also provided by her friends. They said she met different guys at least twice or three times a week and rarely stayed at home since I was an improper and boring husband.

To my horror, I discovered she had over 250 men as blocked contacts in her phone; men who have talked, met, or given her money. The best part was that she bluntly said to my face that she wants me gone so she could move onto the next man, preferably a European. Even a rich Chinese man would do. I was shocked and upset! I lacked any kind of remorse for her now. The cute, quiet woman I had married had become every bad version of a person that I never imagined.

I was supposed to move and have a life with her in Jakarta by the end of 2019. She went along with this life plan of ours because she knew I would keep supporting her. If her friends didn’t help me expose her, none of this would have unravelled – this is the worst part since no other man she’d met would do the same as I have for her and her family.

She continues to refuse a meetup, even though I’m planning to come to Jakarta to sort things out and move forward. Instead, she wants to disappear and pretend that we never happened so she can move on to the next rich man. She even hid away from me by staying with another British man who specifically flew from London to see her, admitting that they’re in love.

I have a lot more to say, but I’ll just conclude this with: looking back I want to kick myself for being naive and not thinking things were not right! This was a hard lesson that I learned. True love is indeed blind. Hopefully, by writing this story, I can warn everyone so they can learn from my story and help me heal from this heartbreak. I still love Indonesia and don’t want this to stop me from love or my future life.

See: Scammed by a GoJek driver

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