The parents’ class WhatsApp group (WAG) has become an essential resource for parents, particularly expatriates, to aid their children’s academic success—though its over-reliance raises questions about its impact on the children’s problem-solving skills.
Picture the scene: A child comes home from school and says, “Mum, I don’t know what we have to bring to school tomorrow.” A generation ago, Mum would have found her hands tied to a degree and would likely have answered along the following lines: “Phone your friends and ask them, check your school diary, pay more attention in class, ask the teacher tomorrow.”
Now, however, it’s a different ball game, and Mum is more likely to tap out a quick post to the parents’ class WhatsApp group (WAG) along the lines of: “Hey guys. Does anyone know what the kiddos need for the Science class tomorrow?” and within a few minutes receive back a plethora of useful answers and clarifications.
Problem solved.
Or is it? Whose problem was it, anyway?
When parents’ class WAGs become an invaluable help
Parents’ class WAGs can be extremely useful, of course. They allow members to pass on a wealth of information and advice, and at the press of a few buttons instantly relay important information that might otherwise take an eternity to reach its intended target—if indeed it ever arrives at all. For example, WAGs can be invaluable in terms of helping with reminders, events, transport, lost property, birthdays, school activities, and helping new families settle in.
More importantly, perhaps, WAGs can help develop and promote a sense of community and belonging. These can be invaluable tools for those experiencing the expatriate lifestyle for the first time.
The advantages, hence, are clear and abundant, but what happens when communication becomes so immediate that children no longer need to manage any of their own problems?
The impact on children’s problem-solving skills
Difficulties arise in life, and such are unavoidable. For children, it could be anything along the lines of: forgotten homework, missing worksheets, confusion concerning instructions, forgotten PE kit or lunch, or conflict with another child.
Thanks to the advent of our mobile phones, these respective difficulties can be resolved in a jiffy as follows: ask the WAG, someone makes a copy and scans it, another parent or child clarifies it, arrangements are made for it to be dropped off, and the parents of the other kid are approached directly.
The important educational question, however, is the following: what do children lose in terms of developing their problem-solving skills when adults continually remove these small difficulties?
Minor problems are where children practice problem-solving skills and develop resilience. Forgetting something occasionally, getting confused, having to ask for help, and even experiencing a minor consequence can all be part of growing up.
Who owns the child’s education?
Traditionally, the main responsibility for the child’s formal education has fallen at the feet of the teachers. Recently, though, there has been a shift that has seen parents becoming more involved.
Not only do social media and technology bring parents into closer and more direct contact with teachers, but they also risk changing the paradigm of the education process. Instead of there being a triangle with the child at the top apex and the parents and teachers below, there is the danger that the educational process can become linear—with parents acting as the middle buffer between teachers and children rather than acting in a supporting role.
This shift means we risk the parents becoming the manager of the child’s school life, leading to the child asking, “Mum, what homework do I have tonight?” rather than having the child aware of the answer themselves by getting the information directly from the teacher. The child may start to ‘switch off’ in class under the belief along the lines of “Mum will know. She’ll sort it out for me.”
This is when factors such as independence, resilience, and ownership become blurred.
When information becomes misinformation
And what of the accuracy and veracity of the information being disseminated? Can we rely on it always being totally precise? For example, one parent writes, “My daughter said the test is on Friday.” Someone then replies, “My son said Thursday.” Another responds, “I heard it has been cancelled.”
Twenty messages later, nobody knows anything.
Sometimes less is more, and sometimes more can just muddy the waters. Rumours and gossip can spread like wildfire, and misinformation can be passed on and repeated as if fact. Children’s accounts of events are also naturally incomplete. One child’s interpretation of something a teacher said can quickly become ‘what happened.’
Therefore, when in doubt, parents should go directly to the source for clarification.
The anxiety feedback loop
Let’s say that students have been asked to finish a project at home. What starts as well-meaning chatter on the WAG can quickly deteriorate into something anything but helpful.
One parent may ask, “Has everyone finished the project?” Then, another may respond by saying that their child spent six hours on it. Someone else may, out of the blue, mention private tuition. Another may post a photograph of an elaborate finished project. Then, suddenly, a parent who was perfectly relaxed ten minutes earlier may start wondering, “Are we doing enough?”
In cases like these, while WAGs do not necessarily create parental and child anxiety, they can amplify it. As a result, this can lead to a race against time for each parent—with their child in tow—to produce better work than anyone else in the group. In creating this type of unhealthy competition, one person’s concern becomes everybody’s concern.
Teaching through manageable difficulties
What happens if children grow up thinking their parents are always going to be there to solve their problems for them? What opportunities will exist for them to develop resilience, critical thinking, and independence? Just as importantly, what will happen come the day when Mum or Dad is not there for their child? What will happen when the parents are unable to solve their child’s problems?
Children’s knowledge and understanding of the world and the way it works will be stunted if they are not sometimes exposed to the intricacies of problem-solving. Children need safe opportunities to forget, misunderstand, negotiate, apologise, ask questions, experience consequences, and solve problems.
In short, childhood should contain manageable difficulties.
A healthier WAG culture
So, how can we as parents develop a healthier mindset for our children while still being there to nurture, love, and care for them in every way possible?
Some possible ways forward could include the following:
- Pause before posting in the WAG. Consider this thought: “Could my child solve this themselves if they think about the problem in more depth?”
- Distinguish between important information and minor uncertainty. Do you, or your child, really need to know this information? Now? Are you sure? What would happen if you waited for the child to ask the teacher the following morning instead?
- Don’t treat children’s accounts as fact. Could they have misheard or misunderstood?
- Contact the school directly for significant concerns;
- Avoid comparing children’s workload, grades, or achievements;
- Don’t feel obliged to respond immediately;
- Sometimes, as a parent, you need to allow your child’s forgotten book to remain forgotten. This is a good learning lesson for your child sometimes.
And perhaps, the most important thing to keep in mind: use the parents’ class WAGs to support the community, and don’t use them as a way to manage every aspect of your child’s school life.