The ‘Marriage is Scary‘ trend has sparked fear among many young people regarding the concept of marriage. Let us delve into the reasons behind this trend and how we should respond to it.
In recent months, particularly between August and September 2024, TikTok in Indonesia became abuzz with users, especially women, uploading content under the banner of ‘Marriage is Scary‘. These videos often presented negative narratives about marriage, citing fears such as the loss of personal freedom, household conflicts, and emotional pressure that were portrayed as overwhelming.
This trend has drawn significant attention, both as a reflection of social concerns and as a digital phenomenon. However, there are several reasons why this trend cannot be justified or entirely trusted.
Marriage: A Commitment, Not a Cause for Fear
Basically, marriage is a commitment between two individuals to share life’s joys and challenges together. Unfortunately, many of the followers of the ‘Marriage is Scary‘ trend focus only on the difficulties, fostering a perception that marriage is fraught with risks and suffering.
The fears propagated by this trend often emerge from personal experiences or observations of close relatives involved in failed or unhealthy marriages. However, it is crucial to emphasise that these issues are not the fault of marriage itself but rather, the result of individuals’ shortcomings in managing their relationships.
Psychologist Dr Indah SJ, M.Psi., highlighted in a TikTok video that the ‘Marriage is Scary‘ narrative often arises when individuals fail to find the right partner, lack a clear understanding of the purpose of marriage, are unprepared for its responsibilities, or are not ready to commit—not because marriage is inherently problematic.
Social Media Narratives are Often Misleading
Most content on TikTok tends to be sensationalised to attract attention. Dramatic titles and exaggerated narratives are often employed to attract more views, leading TikTok’s algorithm to further amplify such content. As a result, trends like ‘Marriage is Scary‘ can appear far more significant than they actually are.
For instance, some users post content such as these:
“Marriage is scary. What if your husband refuses to queue for viral food?”
“Marriage is scary. What if you can’t eat your favourite dishes or hang out with friends because your husband tells you to save money?”
These statements often do not even come from real-life experiences but rather, from exaggerated fears of losing autonomy in marriage. Can we take such claims seriously? Certainly not.
Misconceptions Fuel the Fear
Many of the fears underlying this trend are rooted in misconceptions about marriage. A common example is the belief that marriage inevitably strips away personal freedom. In reality, a healthy marriage provides a supportive environment for mutual growth.
Another misconception is that marriage is a source of constant conflict or suffering. In truth, conflicts are a normal part of any relationship. The key difference lies in how couples handle and resolve them.
The Negative Impact on Younger Generations
Trends like ‘Marriage is Scary‘ can have a detrimental impact on younger generations. These narratives may instil fear, discouraging them from pursuing long-term relationships. In extreme cases, such trends might even lead to a widespread reluctance to marry.
While this trend on TikTok reflects the concerns of certain individuals, it should not be viewed as a universal truth. Instead, it serves as a reminder of the importance of self-preparation and personal growth in building a healthy and fulfilling marriage. Educating people about healthy relationships is essential to dispel fears and misconceptions about marriages.